Thursday, June 26, 2008

Oh My Gosh!

This post is a little out of chronological order, but I flew home tonight from Los Angeles and had a very interesting plane ride. I get on the plane and I had a window seat. This woman (about 50 years old) sits down and we have the following conversation:
Woman: I am a little nervous about flying and I have to go all the way to Chicago. I have not flown in 10 years and the last time I flew I had a panic attack so I associate that with a plane. The only part I am nervous about is taking off. Could I hold onto your arm while we take off?
Me (laughing, thinking that she is not really being serious): That's fine.
Ten minutes later...
Woman: I am really getting nervous. Could I hold your hand during the take off? You are really not nervous at all?
Me: If that would make you feel better then that is fine, and no, I am not nervous. Are you visiting friends or family in Chicago (trying to calm her down a bit)?
Woman: It is a long story.
Me: That is fine, you do not have to go into it.
I go back to my Sudoku game and she goes on to tell me the long story...
Woman: I was married a long time ago and I have two daughters who are grown. I got divorced and then got married again 6 years ago. Right before I got married my daughter got pregnant so I told my daughter that she could live with me after the baby was born. My fiancee did not want the daughter living with us, so we got married but never lived together. I would visit my husband on the weekends but I have never really been happy for the last 6 years. A couple of weeks ago I picked up some friends of friends at the airport and ended up hitting it off with one of them.
Me: So you are going to Chicago because to visit this hot guy you met a couple of weeks ago?
Woman: Actually, it is not a guy. It is a woman. I never thought I would do this but I have never had feelings for anyone like I do for her.
Me (stunned): Really? Interesting...
Woman: Yeah, it is all so new to me. I had to go to the bookstore last week to find a book on 'how to be a lesbian'. My friend pretty much looks like a guy anyway so it is not much different. It would help if she had a p---s, but we have such a good time together that I don't really care that much about the sex part.
Me: Oh...
I go back to my Sudoku game, not knowing what to say. At this point I am sitting there thinking, I just told a lesbian woman that she could hold my hand. Disguisting! Our flight was delayed for about an hour, and then we go out on the runway to depart.
Woman: Are you sure you are not nervous?
Me: No, not at all (while I am thinking, yes, I am very nervous with you sitting next to me).
The plane speeds up, and I continue with Sudoku. I wast not going to let that pen out of my hand because I was so not going to hold her hand. She grabs by arm and buries her head into my shoulder, and after about 30 seconds...
Woman: Are we off the ground?
Me: Yeah, everything is fine. We are in the air.
Woman: I don't want to let go of you until I can listen to my IPod.
Me: I am pretty sure you can listen to it now (knowing that it was definitely not time to turn on "approved electronic devices" but I just wanted to get her off of me).
Woman: Ok, that's good.
She turned on her IPod and all was well after that. I was so happy to get off of that plane!

1 comment:

Kristin said...

KBAD wrote: Jun 27, 2008 Reply
Wow, what a story! When I flew home from Omaha, I sat next to a woman whose daughter was in surgery while we were in the air having a double mastectomy and her husband had just up and left her. She was similarly disturbed, although she didn't ask to hold my hand! I felt sorry for her, and ended up talking with her the entire flight about her family, when all I had wanted to do was sleep. The worst part was I was in the middle seat, and the lady on the other side wanted to chat too. She started the flight by introducing herself...I'm like, oh, you don't fly much do you. You don't have to do that. We can just ignore each other! Oh no, we were all best friends by the end of the flight. She was off to take her pottery making class in Tahoe, and the other lady was off to the hospital. The worst part was when they wanted to talk to each other, and I just had to lean back as far as I could! The pottery lady had bad breath too!